To initiate working with Christine, start by calling her at 315- 422-9756 or send an email through this website and Christine will contact you. It is the policy of CNYMSI to speak with each person on the phone before anything else takes place. After speaking with each person on the phone, a packet of information will be mailed to each of you at no charge. That information will help you learn more about the mediation process and the laws. The packet will also help prepare you for the mediation sessions. When you are ready to schedule an appointment, you can call or email the office. Christine will confirm the appointment with both participants before the proposed meeting date.
Often people are under the impression that they must get along well or have worked out many of the issues before scheduling the first mediation session. Though communication between you is encouraged, it might be a good idea to attend an initial mediation session so that you can gain knowledge about family finances, the law, child development issues, tax issues, and a myriad of other matters related to separation and divorce. When verbal agreements are made between people before they have this information, sometimes bad feelings arise when people have to rethink their prior decisions.
There are ways to reduce the time and expense of separation through mediation. The first is to be as prepared as possible with the necessary paperwork. Go to Documents Required for the list of documents that need to be gathered and provided to Christine. It is best to send in the documents before the first meeting. In this way, we can talk specifically and accurately about your circumstances from the beginning of the process.
Once you have received your packets and you are ready to meet, the initial two- hour mediation session will be scheduled. The mediation sessions take place in a relaxed, living room-type setting with few distractions Together with the mediator and your spouse, you will develop the meeting's agenda. Whether it is the status of your relationship vis-à-vis separation and divorce, the mediation and/or divorce process, child support, parenting plans, equitable distribution or spousal maintenance - You can discuss whatever concerns are most prominent in your minds and the mediator will facilitate those conversations.
The initial mediation session is designed to relieve our clients of immobilizing stress. You and your spouse or partner will hear one another’s questions, you will hear the answers together, you will share your concerns and requests, and these may be things you are each hearing for the first time. If you decide to take the next steps toward separation, your mediator will help you set up the road map that will often include tasks for you and/or the mediator to accomplish before the next meeting.
Each mediation session is scheduled for two hours, though the meetings can extend beyond two hours or end earlier based on your needs and wishes. Breaks can be taken during the mediation session as needed. You and your spouse will often leave with a to-do list for the next session. The more work done outside mediation sessions, the less time and money spent in mediation. A subsequent mediation session can be scheduled at the end of each meeting or later by phone or email.
The time and expense to complete mediation differs in every case and depends upon a variety of factors. Typical cases that involve the negotiations of parenting plans, child support, spousal maintenance, equitable distribution, and other miscellaneous topics can take anywhere from 4 to 8 sessions with each session running approximately two hours, depending on the needs of the clients. The number of sessions can be substantially reduced when there are fewer issues or when our clients are able to discuss and agree upon matters between the mediation sessions. After all the issues that need to be included in the Separation Agreement are discussed and decided (which will involve multiple sessions), the first draft of your Agreement is then written. The complete mediation process will be discussed at the first session. Again, at anytime, the clients are encouraged to ask questions for clarification.
One of the tools that mediators are trained to use is something called “caucusing”. Though the mediators at CNYMSI are trained to caucus, it is not our usual practice. Caucus means that the mediator could meet with each of you separately - if the mediator meets with one person, the mediator will always meet with the other. Whether or not the conversations with each client during the caucus are confidential will be decided by you ahead of the caucus. At CNYMSI, we share the preference for open discussion at all times.
Mediation is often viewed as the opposite of litigation. Mediation requires the presence of some degree of trust and mutual respect between the participants. This does not mean that mediation takes place without conflict. The majority of our clients have not discussed or decided anything. They are often in a state of confusion that is aggravated by turmoil and internal stressors. With calming guidance from your mediator and a request that you bring your best self to the negotiation table, you will find that reaching an equitable Agreement is attainable.
The decision to separate is rarely made easily. The disappointment and distress that people experience can feel overwhelming whether they are the initiator or the receiving party. As your mediator, we will ease the stress you are feeling by providing a neutral and informative place to talk about difficult issues.
People come to mediation at many different stages of the separation process. A decision to separate may come as a shocking blow, or at other times, it is a decision made jointly after months and/or years of discussion. In any case, you, and the relationship you have shared, deserve to be treated with care and respect.
It is our goal to help you make informed decisions using all the information and knowledge available. We will share our knowledge and experience to enhance your ability to make good decisions. You will be encouraged to use the services of outside experts, as you deem necessary, such as accountants, financial planners, child therapists, lawyers, pension valuators and others to help you gain information and assistance throughout the process.
Not only is your participation in mediation voluntary, but your decisions should be voluntary as well. There is a fine line between making a decision that you do not wish to make but are willing to make in order to reach resolution and making a decision under duress or coercion. Talking about difficult decisions openly and brainstorming multiple options can increase the chances of reaching voluntary decisions that are truly mutually agreeable and in the best interest of everyone concerned.
Be sure you are treated with common courtesy, dignity and respect. This includes having your phone calls returned within 24-48 business hours with few exceptions.
Mediators who are members of the New York State Council on Divorce Mediation (nyscdm.org) participate in continuing education, peer support and other professional activities that hone and maintain their mediation skills and knowledge. Your mediator's membership in the NYSCDM can be an important consideration in your selection of the right mediator for you.
Be sure you learn the approximate cost for the entire mediation. Expect that there will be charges for: Mediation sessions; Work done for you between meetings; and Drafting the Agreement and related documents. Depending upon your circumstances, deeds, domestic relations orders (to move retirement monies) and other legal documents may be prepared for you.
This Office recommends that you each have separate attorneys to obtain legal advice and to review your Agreement before signing. Your mediator does not represent you or your spouse in a legal capacity, instead she works equally for both of you as an impartial third party.
There are three main areas to be covered in a Separation Agreement depending upon your circumstances. They are parenting (custody and visitation), support (child support and/or spousal maintenance) and the division of your assets and debts (equitable distribution). Related to each of these areas are other, more detailed issues such as dependency exemptions, child tax credits, and other tax related issues, health, life and disability insurance, relocation, refinancing debts including the marital residence, and legal and mediation fees. A comprehensive Agreement settled in mediation will reduce conflict in the future relieving you of both stress and expense.
Unless you have an extremely simple and straightforward set of circumstances, if you are promised that your mediation can be completed in one or two sessions, you might question whether or not you are receiving thorough attention to the issues that need to be included in your Agreement. Full financial disclosure is required in mediation (as it is when working with lawyers and the courts), and careful consideration given to your parenting plan, support and equitable distribution will reduce anxiety and future problems for both you and your children.
If you go to a mediator who is a lawyer, she or he will write the legally binding Agreement. We will ask you to sign a retainer agreement so that Christine can draft legal documents on your behalf.
If you go to a mediator who is not a lawyer, you will receive a Memorandum of Understanding at the end of the process. It is not a legally binding contract. It must be rewritten into a legally binding contract by an attorney.
Ask your mediator about her or his training and experience in mediation and approach to dealing with conflict. At a minimum, be sure that she or he is either a Practitioner Member of The Association for Conflict Resolution (ACR) or an Accredited Member of the New York State Council on Divorce Mediation, or is working toward such credentials. This ensures a minimal level of education and experience. Having a competent and compatible mediator will increase your satisfaction with the process and the results.
Christine's approach to mediation has been partly formed by her experience as a lawyer for children and families in litigation and by her personal experience as a step-parent. Mediation, though not counseling, recognizes the emotional strains that exist when a family tries to create a workable plan for the future. In mediation, you are encouraged and supported in your efforts to continue to work together.
Since 1990, Christine has limited her practice to divorce and family mediation and law guardian representation. She was the 1994 recipient of the Michael F. Dillon Law Guardian Award in recognition of her legal work on behalf of children. Christine established and incorporated CNY Mediation Services, Inc. in 2000. She is a recipient of the Abel Award for her work in the advancement of family and divorce mediation in New York State. She is an Accredited Member of the New York State Council on Divorce Mediation (NYSCDM) and an Advanced Practitioner Member of The Association for Conflict Resolution (ACR). Christine served on the Board of Directors of the NYSCDM and as Co-Chair on the Education Committee and Institute Steering Committee from the mid-1990s through February 2013. For 10 years, she taught Mediation in Family Law as an adjunct professor at the Syracuse University College of Law.
One of the pillars of mediation is making sure clients are informed. We strongly encourage our clients to ask questions, to push for clarification and to reach out to other professionals who may help them be more informed. Please know there is never a question too small to ask. Being informed when making a choice about your divorce is of the utmost importance.
My associate, Cristin R. Manfredi, has a master's degree in Mediation and Applied Conflict Studies. She is trained in over ten types of mediation, including divorce mediation. She is eager to gain more hands-on experience. If you are willing to have her observe your mediation sessions, please inform Christine.
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